Teaching and Guiding Children As They Learn to "Work Out" Differences

Encouraging Siblings to Build Strong Relationships: Conflict Resolution

In every relationship disagreements/conflicts occur.  Sometimes they are minor and sometimes they are "out of control".  What can we do when disagreements or conflicts arise?  How can we handle those situations? Sometimes we may be tempted to ignore them and hope they go away.  The truth is problems don't go away. They usually get worse.  The best solution is to face the problem, so it can be sorted out as soon as possible.   

One of the best ways to solve a disagreement is to find a way to help the unhappy people find a win/win in the situation.  This solution finds the opportunity for each person to get something they want in a fair way.  In order for this approach to be successful each person must be willing to work together and stay as calm as possible.  Using the conflict resolution method there are four steps to successfully resolve conflicts. First each person must understand about the problem.  Next avoid making the situation worse and encourage working together.  Lastly, find a solution to the conflict.  While this method is not always easy with practice, patience, and perseverance siblings can learn to work together in harmony.

Understand the Conflict.  To successfully resolve a problem, each individual involved needs to understand what the disagreement is about, including the mediator.  Communication is a key factor in this step.  Each person needs to be encouraged to describe and discuss his/her feelings and perspective without being interrupted or belittled.

Listening is a large part of communication.  When a person listens to others, it shows respect and that he/she has a desire to really understand the way the other sees the situation.  When he/she listens and tries to understand their perspective, it helps to find a resolution to the disagreement/conflict.  While listening, it is helpful to use active listening techniques such as looking at the person talking, nodding the head acknowledging that the person is heard, or repeating what the person understood in their words to be sure they heard what was being said.

Avoid Making the Situation Worse.   One important step in resolving conflict is to ensure that the situation does not get worse.  To accomplish this step, it is important to establish and maintain some basic rules in communication.  These rules might include:

• No put-downs.
• No mean, nasty remarks that would hurt someone's feelings.
• No screaming or shouting.  All communication needs to be in controlled voices.  
• No hitting, kicking, pushing, or any kind of hurting the other person's body.

Work Together.  Using "I" statements is a way that can help individuals to work together more amicably. Statements such as "I feel hurt when..." or "I hear what you are saying, but I feel ..." followed by the way he/she feels, without blaming others helps to work towards more understanding of each persons' feelings and perspective.  An example is:  "I feel sad and afraid when you shout." rather than "Your shouting makes me sad and afraid."  Those communicating should take turns speaking and it may be wise to determine a time limit for each person before beginning so that everyone gets a fair opportunity.  The communication can move more smoothly when everyone keeps their voices down.  In some instances, it can be more effective for each person to write the problem as he/she sees it and then read what the other has written.  

Find a Solution.  Once each person has the opportunity to share his/her feelings and the disagreement/conflict is understood by everyone, it is time to begin to brainstorm together to think of ways to find a solution.  It is best to think of many possibilities to ensure that every option is considered.  Sometimes the one that seems unlikely or not possible at first could turn out to be one that works.  It is important that each person and their contribution be shown respect.  It is also a good idea for someone to write the suggestions down as they are given so that the conflict can be resolved successfully.

The possible outcomes are: win/win; win/lose and lose/lose.  Win/win is when all are comfortable and pleased with the outcome.  Win/lose is when one gets what they want and others do not get what they want. Lose/lose is when no one gets what they want.  Once a solution that all have agreed on is reached, it is the responsibility of each person to carry out his/her part.  

This process is not easy, sometimes the process needs to begin again to try to improve it.  Some of the steps may need to be practiced in other settings.  Learning to use "I" statements can be an effective way of communicating in most situations to avoid offending others and as a statement of power for the individual using them.  Taking the time to listen to what others are really saying and meaning can keep things from escalating into a bigger problem,  It is always wise to avoid making matters worse when possible.  

The important thing is to not give up!  The more everyone practices these steps the better they get at using them and the quicker and easier they can find solutions--especially win/win solutions!

"Encouraging strong, healthy relationships between siblings can be one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children."  

Brain Gym Exercises in a Hungarian Primary School By Ivett Juhász, primary school teacher

Article from  Educational Kinesiology Newsletter

Brain Gym Exercises in a Hungarian Primary School By Ivett Juhász, primary school teacher

The Brain Gym® program develops learning through natural movements that can be easily learned. The movements have a positive influence on thinking and learning skills. One of the main goals of Brain Gym is to achieve stress-free whole brain learning. Below, I describe my experiences of Brain Gym exercises in my classroom and then a small study I conducted comparing my class to a non-Brain Gym classroom. Duration: 9 Sep 2013 – 7 March 2014 Ages: 7-8 years (Grade One) Headcount: 20 in the Brain Gym class and 20 in the non-Brain Gym class Location: Hungarian primary school I. PRACTICES Brain Gym exercises The learning and adaptation of the Brain Gym activities began in early September and lasted approximately six months. I demonstrated the exercises first and then worked with each child 1:1. Finally, we all practiced and performed the movements together in the class. The students learned 20 of the 26 total Brain Gym activities in the following chronological order: Sipping Water, Think of an ‘X’, The Cross Crawl, Lazy 8s, Belly Breathing, The Thinking Cap, The Positive Points, The Double Doodle, Arm Activation, The Gravity Glider, The Elephant, Neck Rolls, Balance Buttons, The Energy Yawn, The Owl, Brain Buttons, Hook-ups, Earth Buttons, Space Buttons and The Grounder. Two exercises caused difficulties for the 7-8 year olds and required on average 5-10 minutes daily practice for 6-8 days until everyone managed to perform them correctly: The Cross Crawl – Many had initial difficulties crossing their opposite arms and legs continuously. The Gravity Glider – Sixteen out of twenty students fell as they could not bend forward while being stable. Classroom adaptation The Brain Gym movements were led at the beginning of and during classes every day. I did the exercises along with my students. The activities were selected to suit the particular class while considering the development of learning abilities and skills. The students could drink water in the class and refill their half-litre bottle as needed. During classwork, the students adapted the exercises independently in accordance with their learning abilities. This process evolved by the beginning of December and it continuously went on in the class and even at home. Among the students, the most popular Brain Gym exercises were the Cross Crawl (for ten students), followed by the Owl (for five students), and the Elephant (for three students). Also, one student mentioned the Energy Yawn and another the Thinking Cap as the favourite form of exercises. II. INITIAL CONCLUSION A.  Regarding behaviour, I noticed that the students became more patient, tolerant, balanced, and adaptable. B.  Regarding learning capabilities, I believe that the students improved their problem-solving skills, increased their abilities to better concentration, learned more effectively, and provided quality work. To read about Ivett's experiment, conclusions and results, click here for article and here for the supporting appendices (Appendix I, Appendix II, Appendix III, and Appendix IV).

Resolving Conflicts

There isn't a day that goes by when we don't have some kind of conflict with someone. Some are not big deals, while others aren't as easy. We may think about them for a few hours, days, weeks, or longer. Children do this, too. There are times when these unsolved conflicts result in headaches, stomach aches, nervousness, anger, tears, etc.

Learning how to solve these worrisome conflicts doesn't seem to come to us innately. We have to learn the steps involved. At first they may seem unnatural and hard; but, as we practice them, we get better at them. In time. they become more natural. Following is a definition of conflict resolution and steps to take to achieve it:

Conflict Resolution

What is Conflict Resolution? Conflict resolution is when people who are in disagreement try to sort things out so that everyone gets a fair deal and something of what they want. There are four things that have to be done for this to be successful:

1. Everyone involved needs to understand what the conflict is about.

2. Everyone needs to avoid making matters worse.

3. Everyone needs to work together.

4. Everyone needs to find a solution to the conflict.

Steps to Take to Accomplish Conflict Resolution

• Understand the Conflict

In resolving conflicts, each individual who is involved needs to understand what the conflict or disagreement is about. Each needs to be encouraged to describe and discuss their feelings without interruption. Listening is a large part of communication. Use active listening by looking at the person, making listening noises such as “uh-huh”, nodding your head, and repeating what you heard him/her say. When a person listens to another, it shows respect and that he/she has a desire to connect and really understand the other person’s point of view. When he/she listens and tries to put himself/herself in the other person’s shoes and understand their point of view, it helps to find resolution to the conflict. Mirroring can be an effective technique in this communication.

• Avoid Making Matters Worse

It is important that some ground rules are established and maintained so that resolution can be reached and that the situation does not get worse. Some important rules are:

• no put-downs

• no mean, nasty remarks that will hurt anyone’s feelings.

• no screaming or shouting. All communication needs to be in controlled voices.

• no hitting, kicking, pushing, or any kind of hurting the other person’s body.

Any of these behaviors will only escalate the conflict.

• Work Together

When individuals work together by using “I” statements such as “I feel hurt when …” or “I hear what you are saying , but I feel …” and say what they feel without blaming the other person. (Saying “ I feel sad when you shout rather than “Your shouting makes me feel sad.” ), it is easier to move toward a resolution. Those involved should take turns talking. It might be wise to determine a time limit for each person before beginning so that everyone gets a fair opportunity. Communication moves more smoothly and effectively when voices are kept down. Sometimes it is more effective when each writes down the problem as he/she sees it and then reads what the other has written.

• Find a Solution

When feelings have been shared and the conflict understood by everyone, the individuals can brainstorm together to think of ways the can resolve it. It is beneficial to think of as many as possible even if they may sound silly at first. Also, it is sometimes effective to have another person write down the ideas and suggest ways of making them work so that the conflict may be resolved.

There are three possible outcomes: win/win, win/lose, and lose/lose. Win/win is when both are pleased with the outcome. Win/lose occurs when one gets what they want and the other does not get what they want. Lose/lose is when neither get what he/she wants. Sometimes this is because the problem is not worked out. Once a solution is reached that all can agree with, it is the responsibility of each to carry out his/her part.

Conflict resolution is not easy. For it to work, everyone must willingly work together. Everyone must accept and carry out what has been decided. If things don’t work out the first time, the process needs to begin again to try to improve it. Problems don't go away if you ignore them - in fact usually they get worse. It's a good idea to face problems and get them sorted out as soon as you can. Çonflict resolution is an effective way to do that.