Diversity-the Great Wonder of You

This scene is composed of a multitude of different colors, sizes, shapes, textures, elements, etc.  If it had just one of color, size, shape, texture, or element, the scene would be totally different.  If there were even two or five, it would be less interesting, awesome, and magnificent.  It takes the combination of the diverse multitude working in harmony to create this intriguing scene.  That is why thousands of people travel great distances to come to this area for the experiences that await them.  The diversity of these colors, shapes, elements, etc. plus the endless possibilities as they are combined gives those who come pleasure, satisfaction, and wonder.
The same is true of people.  Each person is a complex combination of many emotional, physical, intellectual, social, and spiritual  traits and characteristics partnered with memories, choices, and experiences.  No two are alike.  Sometimes we forget how truly amazing and magnificent we truly are.  We can't comprehend the beauties of earth with one click of our camera or even one brief visit, likewise, we can't comprehend and appreciate our own beauty and distinct uniqueness without getting to know and understand ourselves. It takes time, study, pondering, and discovery to begin to appreciate just how beautiful and special we really are.  Take the time to discover and appreciate the multitude of characteristics- the diversity, the wonder and beauty of you!

Sara Banister
underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Unlimited Possibilities Are Ours!

Our possibilities 

are as endless as 

the stars in the sky.

Sometimes, maybe even often, we feel limited in our choices, but the truth is our choices and possibilities are like the stars in the sky.  They are endless.  

Creation begins in our minds. 

Practice creating.  

The possibilities are as unlimited as our minds will allow.

Sara Banister
underthelearningtree.blogspot.comm

Self-Worth Workshop coming this fall! The first is a series.

New Coming in the fall!  Self-Worth class (for adults)

"You are unique, a 'one of  kind'.  You are the only one anywhere 

that has your wonderful combinationof gifts and talents!  Know who you are."

First in a series of 90 minute practical, fun classes focusing on developing 

and maintaining strong, healthy Self-Worth.

More information to follow soon.          

Interested and don't want to miss out?  

Contact us underthelearningtree@gmail.com

to get on the email list.  

Self-Respect

Self-respect is a determining factor in our self-worth.  To have healthy self-worth, it is necessary to respect ourselves.  What does self-respect mean to us?  What requirements do we have to have in order to respect ourselves?  Are they reasonable?  (Remember we don't have to be perfect.  No one is.)  Are they the same every day?  Are they the same for us as they are for others?  Can we consider respecting ourselves just because we are (exist)?

It is essential to know and remember who we are.   Each of us is one of a kind, a unique individual with talents, skills, and qualities that no one else has in the same combination.  We are wonderful, valuable, and woth-while.  We are enough, we have enough, and we do enough.  We make a difference in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

It is vital that we respect and honor ourselves.  We really do deserve both.  As we do, we will walk taller, hold our head higher, walk with a bounce in our step, smile wider, our eyes will sparkle, our voice will be stronger, and our thoughts and comments will be uplifting.  When we have self-respect, it is visible in all that we do, say, and thi

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot,com

We Make the Decision. We Hold the Power!

This one is sometimes hard to grasp or accept, but it is true.  It's important for us 

to "really get" or understand that we are truly the one in control.  

How we perceive or accept any comment whether it be praise or criticizm is totally 

up to us.  Likewise, we feel less or inferior only if we choose to do so.  

It is up to us to evaluate the validity of the comment or act and give it meaning.  

We make the decision.  

We hold the power!

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

You Are Worthy!

Know who you are.  

You are unique, a "one of  kind".

You are the only one anywhere that has your wonderful combination of gifts and talents! 

Know your value and worth. 

You are worthy!

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

You Hold the Power

We determine whether to be happy or not and how much.  So many times we say, "He made me mad." or "She made me feel bad ."  The truth is we are the ones who choose our reaction to things which people say, people do, and things that happen. Much of the time we aren't really aware of the power we have. It depends on what we want, how much responsibility we are willing to take, and how determined we are to create our feelings of value and self-worth.   How we feel about our value/worth plays a significant role in directing our paths and making those choices.  What are you choosing?  You hold the power!

                                                                                Sara Banister

                                         underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

It's what we truly believe that counts!

 

This is so true.  We can say whatever, but when we are honest with ourselves, it is what we believe we are that rings true in our hearts.  

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Who Are You, Really?

This is pretty profound when we stop to think about it.  How often do we hold ourselves back because we see ourselves as inadequate in one way or another?
Let's do things a little differently for an hour, a day, or a week.
When we find ourselves thinking of why something won't work, let's change our point of view.  Let's immediately drop that conversation and think of the reasons it will work.
Suggestion:  write them down to reflect on.

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

You Do Make a Difference!

Too often we feel that we are unimportant and that who and what we are and do makes no difference. However, that is simply not true!  

We do make a difference, just as the pebble affects the water in which it is cast!

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Introduction to Brain Gym

Fun and Empowering!

Learn to do things easier and better!

Doing your best vs Trying!

Introduction to Brain Gym

Saturday, June 25, 2016
8:30-3 pm

To register /more info:
underthelearningtree.blogspot.com
or pm this page

Self- Worth

You are of infinite worth and value! 

Let your light be a beacon for others!

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Event: Introduction to Brain Gym Workshop

Introduction to Brain Gym

Fun and Empowering

 Learn to Do Things Easier and Better

Doing Our Best vs Trying

NEW!  INTRODUCTION TO BRAIN GYM® 

SATURDAY, JUNE 25, 2016

8:30 am-3 pm

Introduction to Brain Gym® is a 6 hour course (1 day) for those who have had little or no experience with Brain Gym® but would like to learn more.   Come experience Brain Gym® and obtain skills that will enhance your performance and bring personal power into your life!

Cost $99.

• Early Bird or Buddy Discounts available when registering 30 days early accompanied by a non-refundable deposit of $15:  Cost $89
• Both Early Bird or Buddy Discounts when registering 30 days early accompanied by non-refundable deposit of $15:   Cost $83

Registrations for discounts due on or before: Monday, May 30, 2016

Full amount due on or before:  Saturday, June 18, 2016

To register email: underthelearningtree@gmail.com

Who Are You?

You are the best and most perfect you. 

There is no one else in existence with your special qualities!

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Three Summer Brain Gym® Classes -

Announcing  3 Summer Classes in Provo,UT!

Why Do People Learn and Use Brain Gym® Activities?

People of all ages use Brain Gym® to bring about rapid and sometimes dramatic improvements in their reading, writing, language, and numerical skills.  Others use it to enhance the quality of their attention and concentration, relationships and communication, memory and organizational skills, athletic performance, and more.  Brain Gym® activities are lively and fun to do, as they promote efficient communication between the brain and the rest of the body.  This communication increases play, creativity and alleviates stress, as performance is enhanced. The Brain Gym® balance process, which is taught in Brain Gym® 101, was designed to develop the brain's neural pathways through movement, the same way nature does.  Brain Gym® activities help awaken a person’s natural abilities, freeing them to move, learn, grow, and succeed!

New!  Introduction to Brain Gym® Saturday, June 25  

Introduction to Brain Gym® is a 6 hour course (1 day) designed for those who have had little or no experience with Brain Gym® but would like to learn.  Come experience Brain Gym® and obtain skills that will enhance your performance and bring personal power into your life!

           Brain Gym® 101 - July 28-30, 2016

Brain Gym® 101 Balance for Daily Life is a basic 24 hour course (3 days) and required for many other Brain Gym® courses.  This movement based educational experience is centered around the 26 Brain Gym® activities as it promotes efficient communication between the brain and the rest of the body.  Information, knowledge, and experience gained through this course leads to a deeper understanding of the Brain Gym® program and how using it can enhance and bring personal power to your performance as you exercise more control in your daily life.

New!   Brain Gym® for Teens -  Friday, August 12

Brain Gym® for Teens is a 3 hour course for youth who would like to gain confidence, enhance their academic and/or physical performances, and increase personal power through gaining more control in their daily lives.

Slots are filling up quickly.   Reserve your seat now!

See underthelearningtree.blogspot.com  "classes and workshops" for details.

Teaching and Guiding Children As They Learn to "Work Out" Differences

Encouraging Siblings to Build Strong Relationships: Conflict Resolution

In every relationship disagreements/conflicts occur.  Sometimes they are minor and sometimes they are "out of control".  What can we do when disagreements or conflicts arise?  How can we handle those situations? Sometimes we may be tempted to ignore them and hope they go away.  The truth is problems don't go away. They usually get worse.  The best solution is to face the problem, so it can be sorted out as soon as possible.   

One of the best ways to solve a disagreement is to find a way to help the unhappy people find a win/win in the situation.  This solution finds the opportunity for each person to get something they want in a fair way.  In order for this approach to be successful each person must be willing to work together and stay as calm as possible.  Using the conflict resolution method there are four steps to successfully resolve conflicts. First each person must understand about the problem.  Next avoid making the situation worse and encourage working together.  Lastly, find a solution to the conflict.  While this method is not always easy with practice, patience, and perseverance siblings can learn to work together in harmony.

Understand the Conflict.  To successfully resolve a problem, each individual involved needs to understand what the disagreement is about, including the mediator.  Communication is a key factor in this step.  Each person needs to be encouraged to describe and discuss his/her feelings and perspective without being interrupted or belittled.

Listening is a large part of communication.  When a person listens to others, it shows respect and that he/she has a desire to really understand the way the other sees the situation.  When he/she listens and tries to understand their perspective, it helps to find a resolution to the disagreement/conflict.  While listening, it is helpful to use active listening techniques such as looking at the person talking, nodding the head acknowledging that the person is heard, or repeating what the person understood in their words to be sure they heard what was being said.

Avoid Making the Situation Worse.   One important step in resolving conflict is to ensure that the situation does not get worse.  To accomplish this step, it is important to establish and maintain some basic rules in communication.  These rules might include:

• No put-downs.
• No mean, nasty remarks that would hurt someone's feelings.
• No screaming or shouting.  All communication needs to be in controlled voices.  
• No hitting, kicking, pushing, or any kind of hurting the other person's body.

Work Together.  Using "I" statements is a way that can help individuals to work together more amicably. Statements such as "I feel hurt when..." or "I hear what you are saying, but I feel ..." followed by the way he/she feels, without blaming others helps to work towards more understanding of each persons' feelings and perspective.  An example is:  "I feel sad and afraid when you shout." rather than "Your shouting makes me sad and afraid."  Those communicating should take turns speaking and it may be wise to determine a time limit for each person before beginning so that everyone gets a fair opportunity.  The communication can move more smoothly when everyone keeps their voices down.  In some instances, it can be more effective for each person to write the problem as he/she sees it and then read what the other has written.  

Find a Solution.  Once each person has the opportunity to share his/her feelings and the disagreement/conflict is understood by everyone, it is time to begin to brainstorm together to think of ways to find a solution.  It is best to think of many possibilities to ensure that every option is considered.  Sometimes the one that seems unlikely or not possible at first could turn out to be one that works.  It is important that each person and their contribution be shown respect.  It is also a good idea for someone to write the suggestions down as they are given so that the conflict can be resolved successfully.

The possible outcomes are: win/win; win/lose and lose/lose.  Win/win is when all are comfortable and pleased with the outcome.  Win/lose is when one gets what they want and others do not get what they want. Lose/lose is when no one gets what they want.  Once a solution that all have agreed on is reached, it is the responsibility of each person to carry out his/her part.  

This process is not easy, sometimes the process needs to begin again to try to improve it.  Some of the steps may need to be practiced in other settings.  Learning to use "I" statements can be an effective way of communicating in most situations to avoid offending others and as a statement of power for the individual using them.  Taking the time to listen to what others are really saying and meaning can keep things from escalating into a bigger problem,  It is always wise to avoid making matters worse when possible.  

The important thing is to not give up!  The more everyone practices these steps the better they get at using them and the quicker and easier they can find solutions--especially win/win solutions!

"Encouraging strong, healthy relationships between siblings can be one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children."  

Encouraging Siblings To Build Strong Relationships: What to Do When They Don't Agree

As parents, all of us like it when our children get along and don't argue and fight.  It is great when we see them reach out and help one another.  It is touching when we see them comfort one another in times of sadness, pain, or discouragement.  However, differences of opinions and disagreements are naturally apart of our lives, so there are going to be times when siblings don't agree.  How they learn to handle those disagreements is crucial.  It is a part of a foundation they are building in their relationships with each other, as well as, a way of solving problems in all areas of their lives. 

Parents play a key role as siblings learn to control and work with their anger, frustration, and disappointment.

When these tense situations occur, emotions are usually if not always running on high.  The first step is to de-escalate the situation by helping then to move from their emotional survival mode to one of calm power.  Some ways to do that are:

• Deep breaths.  Deep breathing exercises can be very calming.  It is most effective to inhale slowly through the nose with the tongue at the roof of the mouth behind the front teeth to the count of five, hold the breath for the slow count of three, and then exhale through the mouth slowly to the count of five. Repeat at least three times.  This helps to get more oxygen to the brain so that it is possible  to think more clearly and logically.  
• Drink water.  Drinking water can be very helpful.  More than likely they are dehydrated when they are emotional.  Drinking water slowly is more beneficial that in large gulps.  Holding water in the mouth for a short time before swallowing also helps to hydrate the body more quickly.  Water also helps the brain to work more effectively and efficiently.  
• Brain Gym activities.  
• Listen to music.  There are many kinds of music.  It is important to select music that will have a calming affect rather than music that will excite.  
• Quiet time.  This can mean different things to different people.  Make sure it is a time with little stimulus for excitement. 
• Write in journal.  Writing can be very calming to many people.  Sometimes it works really well to write about the situation.  
• Take a walk.  Sometimes a change of scenery helps.  The act of walking can be calming.
• Yoga-Yoga helps to recenter and become more calm.
• Visualize.  See in the minds' eye a calm, relaxing scene or scenario.  See yourself there.
• Laugh.  Watch or listen to something funny. Laughter can be a great way to break tension and relax.
• Repeat or think of a calming word or phrase.  You may have a word or phrase that is a key to help you relax.

Once those involved are calmer, they will be more able to listen, think clearly, and move into a problem solving situation that will be beneficial to all.

"Encouraging strong, healthy relationships between siblings can be one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children."  

Next week:  Working together to solve problems.

Encouraging Siblings to Build Strong Relationships with Each Other

Learning life skills and building relationships is a life-long journey.  While we learn these skills in all aspects of our lives, the home and family is the most influential and powerful place to develop and mature. As our children grow, we are extremely busy teaching and helping them to develop many important skills and characteristics.  Because so much is happening, one area that sometimes falls aside and doesn't get a great deal of attention is the development of strong, binding relationships between siblings. We know the parent-child relationship is vital.  The nature of this relationship is that parents teach and help the child grow so that the child becomes more self-sufficient and independent eventually forming families of their own.  The dynamics and nature of the roles change over the years.  Unlike the parent-child relationship, the role of siblings; however, can and should remain the same.  We, as parents, can have a lasting influence in the development of these relationships as we encourage and nurture strong bonds between siblings.
Help Children to Discover and Value Who They Are Individually.   Each child is his or her own unique person.  Each has different strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, body builds, physical characteristics, personalities, talents, etc.  Encourage each child to discover his/her special identity.  At times it is easy for parents and children to label the family with an identity or characteristic when more than one family has a specific trait or interest (e.g. We are a musical family or a football family.)  Allow each child to be different and to develop his/her own sense of self.  Create a safe place for children to share openly and honestly their thoughts and feelings.  Listen to them and observe them.  Help each one to see the gifts and talents he/she has to offer and bring to his/her attention the unique gifts and talents his/her siblings have to offer.  Help each child to develop a security in who he/she is and see and accept who their siblings are.  As they do this they will not need to compare themselves to each other.  They will also learn to understand and appreciate the differences they observe in others.
Family Loyalty.  Help children develop loyalty to each other and the family.  Encourage and set the example of kind thoughts and actions towards each other.  Do not tolerate unkind and vulgar speech or actions towards any one, especially towards one another.  Teach them to share times of joy, happiness, and success with each other, as well as, times of sorrow, pain, and loss.  Give them opportunities to experience the love, joy, and power of family.
Don't Compare or Play Favorites.  Be sure to not exhibit favorites.  Grace may be the spelling bee champion; Aaron may be an expert about space launches; and Emma may be the best at gymnastics.  Each is OK, one is not more or less important than the other.  Be careful to not compare them or make one more important than the other, because this will create resentment and contention between them.
Opportunities to Become True Friends.   Create opportunities to strengthen bonds within the family.  We love and respect those we know.  Spend time together regularly, such as, eating meals, playing games, learning about new things, and exploring together.  Take the whole family to performances, educational, and sporting activities of each child.  Families support each other.  Celebrate successes together.  Celebrate holidays and establish traditions together as a family.  Take family vacations and trips as your schedules allow.
As an environment where children feel valued and safe is established, children will have the opportunity to learn who they are, value who they are, and to value others in their similarities and differences.  The experiences they have together and the value they feel for themselves and each other will help them to develop strong bonds of friendship with their siblings that will last throughout their lives.

What do you do to encourage strong bonds in your family?

Developing Self-Worth in Children-Things to Do

Children are full of wonder.  They are constantly asking questions, pondering things of their world in their minds, observing the world around them, planning how to do things, figuring what will work and what won't work, and trying to make the important people in their lives happy.  Granted, it doesn't always seem that way to us when they leave a trail of disaster behind them, but they didn't really wake up that morning and think, "What can I do to make life hard for people today."  The broken dish might have happened because they were trying to set the table or do the dishes to surprise you.  The glitter, glue, cut paper, and ribbons could merely be left from the birthday or Mother's Day card they were making to surprise you.   The dirt in the back seat of the car could have come from the flower that fell out of their hands when they were bringing it home for you.   At times like these, it may be our first reaction to be angry and upset because the dish was special to us, we just cleaned up the kitchen table, or we really didn't want dirt in the car.  However, it is important to learn to stop  and consider what has happened and why before we react.  How we respond to our children at these times can send a message to them that we don't want to send and really don't mean. Remember the saying, "What you do speaks so loudly that I don't hear a word you say!"  There is a lot of truth in that statement.  If you don't believe it, stop a minute and think of some of your experiences when you were misunderstood, when people were unhappy with you or your performance when you were trying very hard.
"Sometimes I can't help it," you may be saying and you are correct.  Sometimes things catch us off-guard, especially when we are really tired or under a lot of stress.  However, there are some things that we can do.  Here are a few:

• Take time often to ponder the value/worth of each of our children.  What are their strengths, weaknesses, the things they do that endear them to us, and what do they do that is hard for us. 
• Practice looking for the things they do well and letting them know when they do.  A simple "good job" goes a long way.  
• Notice and acknowledge their ideas.  Listen to their suggestions and ideas.  Encourage them.  If their idea doesn't work, don't put it down.  Find a way to acknowledge their idea and find a way or time it would work.  
• Decide what the most important principles are that you want them to learn in life and find ways to foster them in their every day life.  An example might be to learn to work hard so that they will be successful.  Think about ways to teach them how to work hard, not give up, etc. Set a good example yourself, encourage them, acknowledge them, and support them.  
• Let them know that they bring joy to your life.  Let them know when you especially enjoy something they did or said.  Laugh at their jokes, clap for their songs and performances, etc.  They want you to be happy with what they do.  
• Let them know that you love and appreciate them.  Tell them at least once a day that you love them and give them hugs.  Encourage them to tell you they love you and ask for hugs when you are having a hard day and could use one. 

One of the most basic elements in helping our children to develop self-worth is to realize how much we value them, how much we love them, what we love about them, and what they mean to us.  To do this it is important to take time to think about them and how precious they are.  

Testing-Tips for Relieving Stress and Increasing Confidence

Spring is officially here! The grass is greener, blossoms are in full array, and the weather is warmer!  Most spring breaks are over and students are headed for the final lap of the school year (or term).  It is time to complete all projects and testing is at hand.  Too many times the words "testing" bring stress.  As we know stress left to itself does not help us, in fact, it can hinder and be unhealthy. There are things we can do to help alleviate stress and be more powerful and confident.  Here are some tips to assist:

• Several nights of good rest.  We all behave differently when we are sleepy or tired. Adults usually become sluggish when tired while children tend to overcompensate and speed up. (In a study involving 2,463 children aged 6-15, children with sleep problems were more likely to be inattentive, hyperactive, impulsive, and display oppositional behaviors.) Do your best to insure a good night of sleep and, if possible, several nights as you move into testing time.
• Eat breakfast. Even though breakfast time can be hectic and rushed, it is important to have breakfast. Two rules for breakfast are:
• Never skip it!
• It must include protein! 

          If you and/or your children do not like the typical breakfast food? That is fine. Last night's left                 over tuna casserole or a peanut butter sandwich will be fine. For other suggestions for                         breakfast see "Healthy Breakfast Ideas" under Topics.

•  Sip water-stay hydrated.  Sipping water is more effective than drinking in gulps. Some of the benefits of sipping water:
• All academic skills are improved when we are adequately hydrated. 
• Water intake is vital before test-taking or at other times when possible stress is anticipated. (Has your mouth ever gotten dry when you are nervous?)
• Sipping water helps to improve concentration. 
• It improves mental and physical coordination.
• Movement-Our bodies were made to move.  Have you noticed that when you feel tired or bored, you feel better and more alert when you get up and move around-even if it is just a walk to get a drink of water.  The  advise to take a walk (or run around) is often given when we need a break, to calm down, or to get our "creative juices" flowing.  Any kind of movement is helpful, but some may be better than others.  Brain Gym activities are good ones and can be specialized. (See test-taking and Brain Gym in "topics" for details.)  Yoga moves are also suggested. The important thing is to move.  As you do, you can let go of stress and prepare your brain to work easier and better.
• Deep breaths- Slow deep breaths can be beneficial as we calm our minds and bodies.  This helps get more oxygen moving in your body. The most effective way:
• Take breath in slowly through the nose (with your tongue on the roof of your mouth).
• Fill up the lower lungs (If you are raising your shoulders, you aren't getting it deep.)
• Hold it while you count slowly.  
• Release the breath slowly through your mouth.  

         Do this until you feel a shift or change. It should be at least 3-5 times.   If you do positive                      affirmations, this is a good time to use them.  

         Now is a good time to begin to practice and prepare.  Try to practice some or all of these tips every day-so they will be familiar when you feel extra tension.

Self-Worth-Developing Children: Some things to Avoid

Sometimes in our busy lives, we may not realize our comments and reactions to seemingly every day happenings can have a destructive impact on others around us, especially our children.  We would never knowingly hurt their feelings or harm them, yet sometimes an off-handed comment does just that.  It hurts them deeply and harms their self-worth, leaving them feeling or doubting their value and capabilities.

More obvious things to not do:

•  Say "You are dumb (or ugly, or stupid)".  
• "Can't you ever do anything right" can slip out of our mouths if we aren't careful.  As soon as it blazes out, we might know it was not wise and that we didn't really mean it.  
• Compare one child to another, especially siblings.  "I wish you were more like your brother or sister" can be crushing to the child and at the same time destroy rather than build sibling relationships. 
• When children have tantrums and in their frustrations say something like, "I hate you!"  or "I don't love you." It is important to be sure to not reply with anything like it back. Instead we can explain again why we are doing what we are doing and reassure them that we do and will always love them, even if they are angry with us.  
• Never tell children anything like we don't love them or wish they had never been born.  They, like all of us, need to know they are loved and wanted especially when they make mistakes.

Some not so obvious comments that are also destructive:

• Doing too much for children.  Often we want to show our love for our children, by doing things for them.  However, it can have the opposite meaning for them.  It can mean to them that they aren't capable.  It is helpful to break larger or more advanced tasks into kid-friendly tasks giving them the opportunity to be successful and feel self-satisfaction and independence.  
• Telling children "That's easy" when they are struggling with a task.  Even saying "That is easy, you can do it" when it is not easy for them can lead them to think something is wrong with them because it isn't easy for them.  A better comment might be "This can be a rough one." Then when they do accomplish it, they can tell themselves that they did something that was hard.  If they don't complete it, they know it was harder to begin with.  
• Don't  "freak out" when children make mistakes.  We all make mistakes.  They will make them too.  Usually it will be at an inconvenient time.  Resist the impulse to "freak-out".  Resist the urge to rescue them.  Instead stay calm. teach them how to arise to the situation by acknowledging they made the mistake and how to make amends.  This allows them to feel good about themselves and who they are as they become accountable for their mistakes.  It also helps them form healthy attitudes without making judgments such as making mistakes is a part of life and does not make me a bad person.  

Building Self-Worth in Children-2 Basics

How we interact with children as they learn, problem-solve, and investigate the world in which they live makes a difference in how they see themselves.  It makes a difference in their self-worth.  Today I want to share two tips that I feel are basic to help children build strong self-worth.

Set children up to succeed.  It is important to teach children how to become self-reliant.  How proud they are when they can do things for themselves!  They stand a little taller, their smiles are a little wider, and sometimes they even shout-it-out and give high-fives!  It might be easier to do for them and even difficult to refrain from helping them when they struggle, however, it is important to allow them to be successful.  An example, begin when they are young to teach them how to move about on their own safely.  When they begin to show an interest in the stair steps and in moving from the sofa to the floor, take the time and patience to talk with them and show they how to put their bellies down and their feet first off the sofa and allow their bodies to follow.  They will need some reminders and practice to become proficient. They easily learn to respond to a simple reminder like "feet first".  With the steps, they again put their bellies down and feet first when going down the steps.  Before long they are crawling up and down the stairs in a safe manner.  As they get older, allow them to do more tasks, such as fix their snacks or simple lunches, keep their rooms picked up, or help parents and older siblings with various tasks.  Take the time to teach them how you want them to learn to do the task.  They need to know the expectations. Then as they gain skills, allow them to do them on their own. 

Praise children.  It is equally important to give praise.  A simple "good job"  can be very powerful.  Children want to know how you thought they did, as well as, how they think they did.   If they don't feel they did something as well as you did or you wanted, they may need some reassurance and encouragement.  Remember most of us don't do things perfectly the first times, but we get better the more we do them.  If it doesn't turn out the best, don't "freak out".  In fact, if it is really bad, don't "freak out".  We all have those times and usually they aren't as bad as we first may think they are.  Remain calm and immediately begin looking for the things that were done correctly and give praise for that.  Help them see the things they did that were correct and how they are improving as they continue to do them.  It is vital that the praise is sincere and honest.

Children Developing Self-Worth - a Personal Observation

In the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to spend time with my youngest grandchildren, ages 10 months to 4 years in age.  I have enjoyed interacting with them, but I have also appreciated the opportunity to observe them as they played, investigated, and problem-solved in their wonderful world of inquiry.  I noticed how the older ones have learned to navigate safely in their environment including steps, sofas, chairs, beds, uneven land, and other things.  The 10 month old is fearlessly learning those things as she anxiously presses forward in broadening her skills.
As I watched them, I was aware of the look of satisfaction and accomplishment their little faces showed when they were successful.  An experience with the 10 month old was particularly insightful.  She loves to put blankets in front of her eyes and over her head and then peek out.  One day she had a larger fleece throw.  She was doing the same as always, until her hands moved toward the center of the cover.  She would move the cover almost to the edge and then pull the other way.  I watched as she worked at it.  Since I didn't want her to become frightened, after numerous tries I helped a little but in a way she didn't realized.  She pulled the cover off and I said the traditional "peek" several times, then I noticed how proud she was.  Her little face beamed.  I clapped, she clapped, and we celebrated her success.  The real reward I experienced was seeing her so happy and proud of herself as she was successful and to see her self-worth grow.  The thought reinforced itself that afternoon that we are instrumental in the development of children's self-worth.  How we interact with them as they learn, problem-solve, and investigate the world in which they live makes a difference in how they see themselves.  
How can we do that?

Self-Worth-children

Self-Worth of Children

When did we begin to develop our self-worth?  How did we develop it?  I have been learning and observing thoughts and ideas and theories related to these questions for a long time. Some children, as well as adults, do know and understand that they are valuable and worthwhile.  They are confident, capable, problem-solving, independent children.  Others do not.  They lack the confidence in themselves and their abilities to move forward in their lives.  They wait and depend on others to tell them what, when, and how to do things.  Some are fearful of life and most things in their lives and "shut down" rather than move onward. 

Why are they so different?  

Do we as parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, teachers, etc. 

play a role in the development of self-worth of the children around us?  

If so, how?  

As I have thought about these questions and observed children, their parents, and others working with them, I am sure we do.  

It is simply how we think, feel, and treat them.  

I will be posting about this topic next.  

Self-Worth in Children

I am wonderful, valuable, worthwhile, and lovable, 

just because I AM

Be Happy

You are the one who decides.

Decide to be Happy!

Self-Worth-I Am a "One of a Kind" Miracle!

 So many times in our lives, we "sell ourselves short".  We enter this world perfect and wonderful in our own uniqueness.  Then over time we allow the influences in our lives to convince to us we are less.  In reality, we were then and are still perfect and wonderful.  As we have grown and matured, our looks have changed, our knowledge and understanding have grown, our ability to do many things has increased, and our reasoning and decision-making skills have improved.  Many changes have occurred since our birth, but what has not changed and always will  remain constant is our value and worth.  We are wonderful, valuable, worthwhile, and lovable. We will always be a "one of a kind" miracle.

Self-Worth-Choosing to Be Happy-4 More Ways

Today I want to share four more important considerations in developing and maintaining healthy beliefs and practices for self-worth.

• Replace perfectionism.  Perfectionism is destructive in our daily lives.  We can take action yet very rarely or never be satisfied with our results, but instead, we can add more negative feelings about ourselves.  We might become paralyzed from taking any action, because we are afraid of not living up to some standard we have set for ourselves.  Another might be that we procrastinate, so that it is impossible to get the results we want.  In any case, our feelings of self-worth suffer.                             How can we replace our perfectionism with wiser choices? 
• Decide to go for good enough.  A trap with perfection is that often it is never finished, because if we do one more thing it will be better.  Make it really good, but realize that there is a good enough and then it is finished.
• Perfection has myths in it. Remember that buying into those myths will likely hurt us and the people in our life.  We need to simply remind ourselves that life isn't like a movie, book, etc. where things are "perfect".  Also reality can be different that our expectations, some things just can't be predicted.  Also we need to be aware that clinging on to perfection can lead to endings of relationships, jobs, etc.
• STOP falling into the comparison trap.  When we compare ourselves and our lives to other people and their lives, we will never win.  If we are fair, we will realize we don't compare fairly and, in reality, we don't know what is really happening in other people's lives.  Also there will always be someone who has more or better than we feel we are.  This is another habit that is better replaced.  To do this we can look at how far we have come.  When we compare ourselves to us, we will be able to see the improvements we have made and what next steps we might want to make  This can motivate us and raise our feelings of self-worth.
• Be Cautious of our environment, spend more of our time in supportive environments.  Even if we focus on being kinder towards others and ourselves and replace a perfectionist habit, it will be hard to keep our self-worth up, unless our environment supports us.  It will be a challenge if there are strong influences in our daily environment that put us down.  We need to be aware of the input we are receiving.  Are there unkind, unsupportive people in our life?  If so, we can choose to spend less time with them and spend more time with positive, uplifting people who have kinder standards and ways of thinking about things and will be more supportive of our goals and dreams.  Also we need to be aware of what we are listening to, read, and watch and spend less time with things that lead us to be unsure of and negative towards ourselves.  Use that time to spend on information that helps us feel good about us and what our goals are.
• Remind ourselves often of why self-worth is important.  The simplest way to stay consistent in doing something is to remember why we are doing it.  So as we seek to build and maintain our feelings of self-worth, remember the reasons that are important. What are they?  Back on February 25th, the following reasons were listed:  
•  Our lives becomes simpler and lighter.  
• We have more inner stability.  
• We have less self-sabotage.  
• We will be more attractive in any relationship.    
• We will be happier.

We might want to place our reasons where we can refer to them often!