Encouraging Siblings To Build Strong Relationships: What to Do When They Don't Agree

As parents, all of us like it when our children get along and don't argue and fight.  It is great when we see them reach out and help one another.  It is touching when we see them comfort one another in times of sadness, pain, or discouragement.  However, differences of opinions and disagreements are naturally apart of our lives, so there are going to be times when siblings don't agree.  How they learn to handle those disagreements is crucial.  It is a part of a foundation they are building in their relationships with each other, as well as, a way of solving problems in all areas of their lives. 

Parents play a key role as siblings learn to control and work with their anger, frustration, and disappointment.

When these tense situations occur, emotions are usually if not always running on high.  The first step is to de-escalate the situation by helping then to move from their emotional survival mode to one of calm power.  Some ways to do that are:

• Deep breaths.  Deep breathing exercises can be very calming.  It is most effective to inhale slowly through the nose with the tongue at the roof of the mouth behind the front teeth to the count of five, hold the breath for the slow count of three, and then exhale through the mouth slowly to the count of five. Repeat at least three times.  This helps to get more oxygen to the brain so that it is possible  to think more clearly and logically.  
• Drink water.  Drinking water can be very helpful.  More than likely they are dehydrated when they are emotional.  Drinking water slowly is more beneficial that in large gulps.  Holding water in the mouth for a short time before swallowing also helps to hydrate the body more quickly.  Water also helps the brain to work more effectively and efficiently.  
• Brain Gym activities.  
• Listen to music.  There are many kinds of music.  It is important to select music that will have a calming affect rather than music that will excite.  
• Quiet time.  This can mean different things to different people.  Make sure it is a time with little stimulus for excitement. 
• Write in journal.  Writing can be very calming to many people.  Sometimes it works really well to write about the situation.  
• Take a walk.  Sometimes a change of scenery helps.  The act of walking can be calming.
• Yoga-Yoga helps to recenter and become more calm.
• Visualize.  See in the minds' eye a calm, relaxing scene or scenario.  See yourself there.
• Laugh.  Watch or listen to something funny. Laughter can be a great way to break tension and relax.
• Repeat or think of a calming word or phrase.  You may have a word or phrase that is a key to help you relax.

Once those involved are calmer, they will be more able to listen, think clearly, and move into a problem solving situation that will be beneficial to all.

"Encouraging strong, healthy relationships between siblings can be one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children."  

Next week:  Working together to solve problems.