Self-worth-We Are a Miracle

I love this. 

It is so easy for each of us to be critical 

of ourselves and fail to see the beauty 

and miracle of our own being. 

Each of us is truly a miracle because we are!

Take time today to look for 

and acknowledge 

your uniqueness and beauty.

Diversity-the Great Wonder of You

This scene is composed of a multitude of different colors, sizes, shapes, textures, elements, etc.  If it had just one of color, size, shape, texture, or element, the scene would be totally different.  If there were even two or five, it would be less interesting, awesome, and magnificent.  It takes the combination of the diverse multitude working in harmony to create this intriguing scene.  That is why thousands of people travel great distances to come to this area for the experiences that await them.  The diversity of these colors, shapes, elements, etc. plus the endless possibilities as they are combined gives those who come pleasure, satisfaction, and wonder.
The same is true of people.  Each person is a complex combination of many emotional, physical, intellectual, social, and spiritual  traits and characteristics partnered with memories, choices, and experiences.  No two are alike.  Sometimes we forget how truly amazing and magnificent we truly are.  We can't comprehend the beauties of earth with one click of our camera or even one brief visit, likewise, we can't comprehend and appreciate our own beauty and distinct uniqueness without getting to know and understand ourselves. It takes time, study, pondering, and discovery to begin to appreciate just how beautiful and special we really are.  Take the time to discover and appreciate the multitude of characteristics- the diversity, the wonder and beauty of you!

Sara Banister
underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Unlimited Possibilities Are Ours!

Our possibilities 

are as endless as 

the stars in the sky.

Sometimes, maybe even often, we feel limited in our choices, but the truth is our choices and possibilities are like the stars in the sky.  They are endless.  

Creation begins in our minds. 

Practice creating.  

The possibilities are as unlimited as our minds will allow.

Sara Banister
underthelearningtree.blogspot.comm

Self-Respect

Self-respect is a determining factor in our self-worth.  To have healthy self-worth, it is necessary to respect ourselves.  What does self-respect mean to us?  What requirements do we have to have in order to respect ourselves?  Are they reasonable?  (Remember we don't have to be perfect.  No one is.)  Are they the same every day?  Are they the same for us as they are for others?  Can we consider respecting ourselves just because we are (exist)?

It is essential to know and remember who we are.   Each of us is one of a kind, a unique individual with talents, skills, and qualities that no one else has in the same combination.  We are wonderful, valuable, and woth-while.  We are enough, we have enough, and we do enough.  We make a difference in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

It is vital that we respect and honor ourselves.  We really do deserve both.  As we do, we will walk taller, hold our head higher, walk with a bounce in our step, smile wider, our eyes will sparkle, our voice will be stronger, and our thoughts and comments will be uplifting.  When we have self-respect, it is visible in all that we do, say, and thi

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot,com

We Make the Decision. We Hold the Power!

This one is sometimes hard to grasp or accept, but it is true.  It's important for us 

to "really get" or understand that we are truly the one in control.  

How we perceive or accept any comment whether it be praise or criticizm is totally 

up to us.  Likewise, we feel less or inferior only if we choose to do so.  

It is up to us to evaluate the validity of the comment or act and give it meaning.  

We make the decision.  

We hold the power!

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

You Hold the Power

We determine whether to be happy or not and how much.  So many times we say, "He made me mad." or "She made me feel bad ."  The truth is we are the ones who choose our reaction to things which people say, people do, and things that happen. Much of the time we aren't really aware of the power we have. It depends on what we want, how much responsibility we are willing to take, and how determined we are to create our feelings of value and self-worth.   How we feel about our value/worth plays a significant role in directing our paths and making those choices.  What are you choosing?  You hold the power!

                                                                                Sara Banister

                                         underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Who Are You, Really?

This is pretty profound when we stop to think about it.  How often do we hold ourselves back because we see ourselves as inadequate in one way or another?
Let's do things a little differently for an hour, a day, or a week.
When we find ourselves thinking of why something won't work, let's change our point of view.  Let's immediately drop that conversation and think of the reasons it will work.
Suggestion:  write them down to reflect on.

Sara Banister

underthelearningtree.blogspot.com

Developing Self-Worth in Children-Things to Do

Children are full of wonder.  They are constantly asking questions, pondering things of their world in their minds, observing the world around them, planning how to do things, figuring what will work and what won't work, and trying to make the important people in their lives happy.  Granted, it doesn't always seem that way to us when they leave a trail of disaster behind them, but they didn't really wake up that morning and think, "What can I do to make life hard for people today."  The broken dish might have happened because they were trying to set the table or do the dishes to surprise you.  The glitter, glue, cut paper, and ribbons could merely be left from the birthday or Mother's Day card they were making to surprise you.   The dirt in the back seat of the car could have come from the flower that fell out of their hands when they were bringing it home for you.   At times like these, it may be our first reaction to be angry and upset because the dish was special to us, we just cleaned up the kitchen table, or we really didn't want dirt in the car.  However, it is important to learn to stop  and consider what has happened and why before we react.  How we respond to our children at these times can send a message to them that we don't want to send and really don't mean. Remember the saying, "What you do speaks so loudly that I don't hear a word you say!"  There is a lot of truth in that statement.  If you don't believe it, stop a minute and think of some of your experiences when you were misunderstood, when people were unhappy with you or your performance when you were trying very hard.
"Sometimes I can't help it," you may be saying and you are correct.  Sometimes things catch us off-guard, especially when we are really tired or under a lot of stress.  However, there are some things that we can do.  Here are a few:

• Take time often to ponder the value/worth of each of our children.  What are their strengths, weaknesses, the things they do that endear them to us, and what do they do that is hard for us. 
• Practice looking for the things they do well and letting them know when they do.  A simple "good job" goes a long way.  
• Notice and acknowledge their ideas.  Listen to their suggestions and ideas.  Encourage them.  If their idea doesn't work, don't put it down.  Find a way to acknowledge their idea and find a way or time it would work.  
• Decide what the most important principles are that you want them to learn in life and find ways to foster them in their every day life.  An example might be to learn to work hard so that they will be successful.  Think about ways to teach them how to work hard, not give up, etc. Set a good example yourself, encourage them, acknowledge them, and support them.  
• Let them know that they bring joy to your life.  Let them know when you especially enjoy something they did or said.  Laugh at their jokes, clap for their songs and performances, etc.  They want you to be happy with what they do.  
• Let them know that you love and appreciate them.  Tell them at least once a day that you love them and give them hugs.  Encourage them to tell you they love you and ask for hugs when you are having a hard day and could use one. 

One of the most basic elements in helping our children to develop self-worth is to realize how much we value them, how much we love them, what we love about them, and what they mean to us.  To do this it is important to take time to think about them and how precious they are.  

Self-Worth-Developing Children: Some things to Avoid

Sometimes in our busy lives, we may not realize our comments and reactions to seemingly every day happenings can have a destructive impact on others around us, especially our children.  We would never knowingly hurt their feelings or harm them, yet sometimes an off-handed comment does just that.  It hurts them deeply and harms their self-worth, leaving them feeling or doubting their value and capabilities.

More obvious things to not do:

•  Say "You are dumb (or ugly, or stupid)".  
• "Can't you ever do anything right" can slip out of our mouths if we aren't careful.  As soon as it blazes out, we might know it was not wise and that we didn't really mean it.  
• Compare one child to another, especially siblings.  "I wish you were more like your brother or sister" can be crushing to the child and at the same time destroy rather than build sibling relationships. 
• When children have tantrums and in their frustrations say something like, "I hate you!"  or "I don't love you." It is important to be sure to not reply with anything like it back. Instead we can explain again why we are doing what we are doing and reassure them that we do and will always love them, even if they are angry with us.  
• Never tell children anything like we don't love them or wish they had never been born.  They, like all of us, need to know they are loved and wanted especially when they make mistakes.

Some not so obvious comments that are also destructive:

• Doing too much for children.  Often we want to show our love for our children, by doing things for them.  However, it can have the opposite meaning for them.  It can mean to them that they aren't capable.  It is helpful to break larger or more advanced tasks into kid-friendly tasks giving them the opportunity to be successful and feel self-satisfaction and independence.  
• Telling children "That's easy" when they are struggling with a task.  Even saying "That is easy, you can do it" when it is not easy for them can lead them to think something is wrong with them because it isn't easy for them.  A better comment might be "This can be a rough one." Then when they do accomplish it, they can tell themselves that they did something that was hard.  If they don't complete it, they know it was harder to begin with.  
• Don't  "freak out" when children make mistakes.  We all make mistakes.  They will make them too.  Usually it will be at an inconvenient time.  Resist the impulse to "freak-out".  Resist the urge to rescue them.  Instead stay calm. teach them how to arise to the situation by acknowledging they made the mistake and how to make amends.  This allows them to feel good about themselves and who they are as they become accountable for their mistakes.  It also helps them form healthy attitudes without making judgments such as making mistakes is a part of life and does not make me a bad person.  

Building Self-Worth in Children-2 Basics

How we interact with children as they learn, problem-solve, and investigate the world in which they live makes a difference in how they see themselves.  It makes a difference in their self-worth.  Today I want to share two tips that I feel are basic to help children build strong self-worth.

Set children up to succeed.  It is important to teach children how to become self-reliant.  How proud they are when they can do things for themselves!  They stand a little taller, their smiles are a little wider, and sometimes they even shout-it-out and give high-fives!  It might be easier to do for them and even difficult to refrain from helping them when they struggle, however, it is important to allow them to be successful.  An example, begin when they are young to teach them how to move about on their own safely.  When they begin to show an interest in the stair steps and in moving from the sofa to the floor, take the time and patience to talk with them and show they how to put their bellies down and their feet first off the sofa and allow their bodies to follow.  They will need some reminders and practice to become proficient. They easily learn to respond to a simple reminder like "feet first".  With the steps, they again put their bellies down and feet first when going down the steps.  Before long they are crawling up and down the stairs in a safe manner.  As they get older, allow them to do more tasks, such as fix their snacks or simple lunches, keep their rooms picked up, or help parents and older siblings with various tasks.  Take the time to teach them how you want them to learn to do the task.  They need to know the expectations. Then as they gain skills, allow them to do them on their own. 

Praise children.  It is equally important to give praise.  A simple "good job"  can be very powerful.  Children want to know how you thought they did, as well as, how they think they did.   If they don't feel they did something as well as you did or you wanted, they may need some reassurance and encouragement.  Remember most of us don't do things perfectly the first times, but we get better the more we do them.  If it doesn't turn out the best, don't "freak out".  In fact, if it is really bad, don't "freak out".  We all have those times and usually they aren't as bad as we first may think they are.  Remain calm and immediately begin looking for the things that were done correctly and give praise for that.  Help them see the things they did that were correct and how they are improving as they continue to do them.  It is vital that the praise is sincere and honest.

Children Developing Self-Worth - a Personal Observation

In the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to spend time with my youngest grandchildren, ages 10 months to 4 years in age.  I have enjoyed interacting with them, but I have also appreciated the opportunity to observe them as they played, investigated, and problem-solved in their wonderful world of inquiry.  I noticed how the older ones have learned to navigate safely in their environment including steps, sofas, chairs, beds, uneven land, and other things.  The 10 month old is fearlessly learning those things as she anxiously presses forward in broadening her skills.
As I watched them, I was aware of the look of satisfaction and accomplishment their little faces showed when they were successful.  An experience with the 10 month old was particularly insightful.  She loves to put blankets in front of her eyes and over her head and then peek out.  One day she had a larger fleece throw.  She was doing the same as always, until her hands moved toward the center of the cover.  She would move the cover almost to the edge and then pull the other way.  I watched as she worked at it.  Since I didn't want her to become frightened, after numerous tries I helped a little but in a way she didn't realized.  She pulled the cover off and I said the traditional "peek" several times, then I noticed how proud she was.  Her little face beamed.  I clapped, she clapped, and we celebrated her success.  The real reward I experienced was seeing her so happy and proud of herself as she was successful and to see her self-worth grow.  The thought reinforced itself that afternoon that we are instrumental in the development of children's self-worth.  How we interact with them as they learn, problem-solve, and investigate the world in which they live makes a difference in how they see themselves.  
How can we do that?

Self-Worth in Children

I am wonderful, valuable, worthwhile, and lovable, 

just because I AM

Be Happy

You are the one who decides.

Decide to be Happy!

Self-Worth-I Am a "One of a Kind" Miracle!

 So many times in our lives, we "sell ourselves short".  We enter this world perfect and wonderful in our own uniqueness.  Then over time we allow the influences in our lives to convince to us we are less.  In reality, we were then and are still perfect and wonderful.  As we have grown and matured, our looks have changed, our knowledge and understanding have grown, our ability to do many things has increased, and our reasoning and decision-making skills have improved.  Many changes have occurred since our birth, but what has not changed and always will  remain constant is our value and worth.  We are wonderful, valuable, worthwhile, and lovable. We will always be a "one of a kind" miracle.

Self-Worth-Choosing to Be Happy-4 More Ways

Today I want to share four more important considerations in developing and maintaining healthy beliefs and practices for self-worth.

• Replace perfectionism.  Perfectionism is destructive in our daily lives.  We can take action yet very rarely or never be satisfied with our results, but instead, we can add more negative feelings about ourselves.  We might become paralyzed from taking any action, because we are afraid of not living up to some standard we have set for ourselves.  Another might be that we procrastinate, so that it is impossible to get the results we want.  In any case, our feelings of self-worth suffer.                             How can we replace our perfectionism with wiser choices? 
• Decide to go for good enough.  A trap with perfection is that often it is never finished, because if we do one more thing it will be better.  Make it really good, but realize that there is a good enough and then it is finished.
• Perfection has myths in it. Remember that buying into those myths will likely hurt us and the people in our life.  We need to simply remind ourselves that life isn't like a movie, book, etc. where things are "perfect".  Also reality can be different that our expectations, some things just can't be predicted.  Also we need to be aware that clinging on to perfection can lead to endings of relationships, jobs, etc.
• STOP falling into the comparison trap.  When we compare ourselves and our lives to other people and their lives, we will never win.  If we are fair, we will realize we don't compare fairly and, in reality, we don't know what is really happening in other people's lives.  Also there will always be someone who has more or better than we feel we are.  This is another habit that is better replaced.  To do this we can look at how far we have come.  When we compare ourselves to us, we will be able to see the improvements we have made and what next steps we might want to make  This can motivate us and raise our feelings of self-worth.
• Be Cautious of our environment, spend more of our time in supportive environments.  Even if we focus on being kinder towards others and ourselves and replace a perfectionist habit, it will be hard to keep our self-worth up, unless our environment supports us.  It will be a challenge if there are strong influences in our daily environment that put us down.  We need to be aware of the input we are receiving.  Are there unkind, unsupportive people in our life?  If so, we can choose to spend less time with them and spend more time with positive, uplifting people who have kinder standards and ways of thinking about things and will be more supportive of our goals and dreams.  Also we need to be aware of what we are listening to, read, and watch and spend less time with things that lead us to be unsure of and negative towards ourselves.  Use that time to spend on information that helps us feel good about us and what our goals are.
• Remind ourselves often of why self-worth is important.  The simplest way to stay consistent in doing something is to remember why we are doing it.  So as we seek to build and maintain our feelings of self-worth, remember the reasons that are important. What are they?  Back on February 25th, the following reasons were listed:  
•  Our lives becomes simpler and lighter.  
• We have more inner stability.  
• We have less self-sabotage.  
• We will be more attractive in any relationship.    
• We will be happier.

We might want to place our reasons where we can refer to them often!

Learn Who You Are-Tips for Building Self-Worth-Enjoy You!

I promised to share some more tips and steps that can aide in building and maintaining stronger, healthier self-worth.  Here are a few:

• Use healthy motivation habits to motivate you to take action and raise your feelings of self-worth.
• Remind yourself of the benefits-write down benefits that you deeply feel you will get from this new path; when your list is completed, save it and put it where you can see it every day.
• Refocus on doing what you really like to do.  When you really like to do something, the motivation to do that thing is easier and more automatic, thus more success.
• If you lose your motivation, ask yourself if you are doing what you really want to do.  If not, and if possible, refocus and start working on that important thing.  

• Take a self-appreciation break
• Take a deep breath, slow down, and ask yourself what are 3 things you can appreciate about yourself. They don't have to be big things.  This builds feelings of self-worth and can turn a negative mood around to a lot of positive energy.
• Write down 3 or more things each evening that you appreciate about yourself.  This is a variation of the previous habit.  You can combine them for two powerful self-worth boosts or you can choose the one that works better for you.
• Do the right thing.  When you do what you think deep down is the right thing to do, you raise and strengthen your self-worth. It can be just a small thing, like getting up and doing a task immediately.  Sometimes it can be challenging, so it can be easier if you begin the day doing even small things that help you get off to a good start.
• Handle mistakes and failures in a positive way.  Sometimes things just don't go well or at least how we expected them.  Sometimes we make mistakes.  When that happens:
• Be your own best friend.  Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself how would your friend support you.  Then support yourself in the same way. 
• Find the upside. Focus on optimism and opportunities of the situation.  What can you learn from it? Etc.
• Be kinder to other people.  When you are kinder to others, you will be more likely to be kinder to yourself.  
• Try something new.  When we challenge ourselves by trying something new, our opinion of ourselves goes up.  Go out of your comfort zone regularly!  It can help us feel more alive.

One of the most important factors is to realized that we are in the driver's seat.  We choose to build our own self-worth by the way we treat ourselves or allow ourselves and others to devalue ourselves.  We are only victims if we choose to be.  I have noticed over a lot of time that it takes vigilance and perseverance to maintain this, however it can become a way of thinking and being.  Enjoy the journey in learning who you really are!

Where Sefl-Worth Comes From

Because you are!

Self-Worth

Remember self-worth comes from the inside.  

That's where you make the decisions, besides who know you better than you?

Self Worth is NOT Self Esteem

Self-worth and self-esteem are often used as synonyms, however they are not. What is the difference between them? In simple terms, self-worth comes from the inside while self-esteem comes from the outside.

First, let's look at self-esteem.  When we think well of someone, we hold them in esteem. This is based on performances we have seen, experienced, or heard about them.  When this is about us, we say we have a very favorable or high regard for ourselves and/or what we have done based on criteria evaluated or measured by a set of standards.  The sources come from outside ourselves and determined by others.  In order to maintain high self-esteem, we have to continue to perform in such a way to maintain or build to meet those expectations.  What happens when we don't do that or are not able to do that?   

What is self worth?  It is the sense of our own value or worth.  It is how we value and believe in ourselves. It comes from inside of us and is not dependent upon evaluations or measurements outside of ourselves.  It is our sense of our own value and worth based on our self-awareness, what and who we really are with our strengths, weaknesses, and potentialities.  It is how we accept ourselves in these areas, and our ability to love ourselves in this awareness and acceptance.