How Can We Build and Strengthen Self-Worth? An Important First Step

As I shared with you last week, self-worth is different than self-esteem.  Self-worth comes from inside of the self.  It is what we think and believe about our self.  Self-esteem comes from outside, it is based on how others hold us in esteem (or not).  The exciting thing is that since it comes from inside us, we have the power to choose and control how we feel and believe about ourselves.  When we realize negative thoughts have crept in and especially if they are "running the show", it is time to change things.  We have the power to do just that.

Sometimes it may not seem possible or too hard.  If we are having these thoughts or beliefs, the voice we are hearing (sometimes called your critical inner voice) is wrong. Unfortunately, each of us has one of these inner critical voices.  It began to develop when we are very young and grew in size and strength as we got older. It is like the to proverbial snowball that gets bigger as it rolls down the hill gathering more snow and ice. This critical inner voice can become very strong, but we don't have to accept it.  It was developed on inaccurate information and can be minimized and replaced with more helpful, truthful thoughts.  When I was working in the elementary school, there was a favorite book of many children that compared this critical inner voice to be like a green monster that lived inside and kept whispering negative things.  The book told how the monster took bites out of the person's self-worth.  It then gave suggestions on how to make it get smaller with a smaller voice until it could hardly be heard at all and gave suggestions on how to strengthen self-worth. This inner voice critic tells us things like: You aren't good enough; You can't do various things; You don't deserve to be successful; You are lazy and no good; and You aren't lovable.

How do we do weaken the voice and strengthen our self-worth?

One way is to simply say "STOP!" when it starts to whisper or shout those ideas.  If we would like to do so, we can create a stop-word or stop-phrase that works well for us.  It can be said in the mind or out loud. Saying "stop" has worked well for me and when I need extra strength, I found adding, "No, I am not going there." added the extra emphasis I needed. 

Immediately replace the destructive thoughts with a different focus.  This is important.  Completely change the focus, by changing the dialogue from what can't be to what can be or change the topic entirely.  As those destructive thoughts from the critical inner voice are stopped and replaced with positive constructive thoughts, the voice will diminish in volume and frequency.  This is an important first step.  The more it is practiced, the easier it will become.
To build inner strength which will help with this and other tips, try the following suggestion.  Looking oneself in the eye in a mirror is not easy to do at times, but it works!

More tips coming.