You are ...

Did you know that?

Where Sefl-Worth Comes From

Because you are!

Why is Building and Maintaining Self-Worth Important?

How to develop and maintain healthy self-worth (or self-esteem when used as a synonym) is the center of many conversations, is eagerly sought after in numerous ways, and yet can be illusive.  Consider the following:   When we have feelings of self-worth:

•  Our lives becomes simpler and lighter.  When we like and love ourselves, more things are easier.  We don't exaggerate or blow things our of perspective as often.  We aren't as hard on ourselves when we make mistakes.  We have more realistic standards for ourselves, therefore we are more able to meet those standards.
• We have more inner stability.  We become less needy and care less about what other people think and say about us, because we like ourselves more and spend less time and energy seeking validation and attention from others.
• We have less self-sabotage.  As we build and keep up our feelings of self-worth, we feel more deserving of good things in our lives.  We go after them more often and with more motivation.  When we get them, we are less to subtly (or not so subtly) sabotage our successes.
• We will be more attractive in any relationship.  We will be more stable and better able to handle the challenges in our lives.  We will be less needy and give more.  We will be easier and more fun to be with since there will be fewer arguments, fights, and less drama.  All of these things contribute to being more attractive.  
• We will be happier.  It seems to follow that when our lives are easier and lighter, we have more inner stability, we have more success because we believe we deserve it, and we are easier and more fun.  We will be more attractive.  We will be happier.                          HENRIK EDBERG

Self-Worth

Remember self-worth comes from the inside.  

That's where you make the decisions, besides who know you better than you?

Self Worth is NOT Self Esteem

Self-worth and self-esteem are often used as synonyms, however they are not. What is the difference between them? In simple terms, self-worth comes from the inside while self-esteem comes from the outside.

First, let's look at self-esteem.  When we think well of someone, we hold them in esteem. This is based on performances we have seen, experienced, or heard about them.  When this is about us, we say we have a very favorable or high regard for ourselves and/or what we have done based on criteria evaluated or measured by a set of standards.  The sources come from outside ourselves and determined by others.  In order to maintain high self-esteem, we have to continue to perform in such a way to maintain or build to meet those expectations.  What happens when we don't do that or are not able to do that?   

What is self worth?  It is the sense of our own value or worth.  It is how we value and believe in ourselves. It comes from inside of us and is not dependent upon evaluations or measurements outside of ourselves.  It is our sense of our own value and worth based on our self-awareness, what and who we really are with our strengths, weaknesses, and potentialities.  It is how we accept ourselves in these areas, and our ability to love ourselves in this awareness and acceptance.  

Stressed Out? More Tips on Releasing Stress.

Do you ever feel like this kitten?  

Here are some tips to avoid and/or relieve those feelings:

• Maintain more peace by beginning and/or setting aside time each day for meditation-a quiet time for you. Begin with noticing your breathing.  Allow your mind to get into the natural rhythm of your body.
• Treat your mind and body with love and respect.
• Drink plenty of water.  Stay hydrated.
• Get adequate rest.  Sleep deprivation affects our mind and body.
• Exercise regularly.  
• Brain Gym movements.
• Engage socially.  Simply talking to people face to face can release hormones that reduce stress.
• Move. Physical activity plays a key role in stress management-especially activities that require moving both arms and both legs.  Focus on how it feels.  Focused movement helps get the nervous system back into balance.
• Get a massage. Body work helps to relieve stress held in the tissues of the body.
• Laugh-a good deep belly laugh can do wonders. Watch a funny movie or do things which result in laughing. Laughter results in chemical changes in your body.
• Listen to soothing music. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to relax.
• Limit internet and phone use.  They can increase tension.

Stress Quiz-What Stress Coping Skills are serving you well right now?

Each of us has stress in our life.  Some people seem to thrive on lots of stress, others seem to be calm and able "to roll with it" no matter what, and some crumble in the face of seemingly little stress.  We have more control in this than we may realize.  While that may seem untrue, it is true.  
Our ability to tolerate and function with this stress depends on a variety of factors, such as our support network, exercise levels, diet, sleep, sense of control, attitude and outlook, ability to deal with our emotions, and knowledge and preparation.  One way to gain more control is to determine the stress coping skills we do have and then step by step develop add more to our skill set.  Below is a stress quiz I found it on HelpGuide.org.  It will us help know where we are now, then we can choose what or if we want to add other stress coping skills.
Stress Quiz
How well do you handle stress in your life?

1. I have people I confide in when I'm feeling under pressure who make me feel better.
2. I feel comfortable expressing how I feel when something is bothering me.
3. In general, I fell in control of my life and confident in my ability to handle what comes my way.
4. I feel reasons to laugh and feel grateful, even when going through difficulties.
5. No matter how busy I am, I make it a priority to sleep, exercise, and eat right.
6. I'm able to calm myself down when I start to feel overwhelmed.

Each "yes" answer represents an important stress coping skill.  Each "no" represents an area to work on to become more resilient.

Remember:  We have more control in this than we may realize. 

Stress Overload-Effects and Signs and Symptoms

Stress is alive and doing well in our lives.  It seems to be all around us.  How does it affect our bodies and minds?

Stress is our body's way of responding to any kind of demand or threat.  When we feel threatened, our body automatically responds to prepare us for the situation.  Our heart beats faster, muscles tighten, blood pressure rises, breath quickens, and our senses become more keen.  Our body becomes stronger, stamina increases, reaction time increases, and focus in more intent.  These reactions are known as fright or flight and is our body's way of protecting itself.  When stress is working properly, it helps us stay focused, energetic, and alert.  In emergency situations, it can save our life.  It can also help us rise to challenges.  It helps us do what we need to better our performance. However, if it is beyond our comfort zone, stress stops being helpful and can start causing major damage to our mind and body.

Our body's autonomic nervous system sometimes does a poor job of distinguishing between daily stressors and life-threatening events.  If it repeatedly experiences fight or flight responses in our daily life, it can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, speed up the aging process, and leave us vulnerable to a number of mental and emotional problems.  Some health problems that could result are:

• pain of any kind
• depression
• heart disease
• weight problems
• auto immune diseases
• digestive problems
• sleep problems
• skin conditions

Following are some signs and symptoms of stress overload:

Cognitive Symptoms                                               Emotional Symptoms

   memory problems                                                   moodiness

   poor judgement                                                      short temper or irritability

   constant worrying                                                   agitation and inability to relax

   seeing only negative                                                feeling overwhelmed

   anxious, racing thoughts                                          sense of loneliness and isolation

   inability to concentrate                                            depression or unhappiness

Physical Symptoms                                                Behavioral Symptoms

   aches and pains                                                      eating more or less

   nausea, dizziness                                                     sleeping too much or too little

   chest pain, rapid heartbeat                                       procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities

   diarrhea or constipation                                           nervous habits such as nail biting or pacing

   frequent colds                                                         isolating yourself from others

Remember the signs and symptoms of stress can also be caused by other psychological or medical problems, so if you are experiencing any warning signs of stress, it is important to see a doctor to help determine if they are stress related.

Tomorrow:  A Stress Quiz-How well to you handle stress in your life?

Kids Have Stress too!

Often we think children's lives are carefree and filled with play.  After all what do they have to worry about?  In reality, they do worry and feel stress-even very young children.
Stress has been defined as a function of the demands placed on us and our ability to meet them.  These demands come from outside sources such as family, friends, or school.  It can also come from within when children feel they are not doing what they should be doing instead of what they are doing or they may not feel they are doing something well enough.  At times they feel overwhelmed.  Preschoolers can feel uncomfortable and anxiety when they are separated from their parents.  As children get older, how well they are doing in school and social pressures create stress.

Sometimes children are too busy to play creatively or relax after school.  They may complain about or refuse to go to them.This may be a sign that they are over-scheduled.  If this is the case, it is important to take time to talk with them about how they feel about the extra activities.  It is vital to really listen to what they are saying.  A discussion of the pros and cons of the activity or activities will help both of you to understand the feelings they are experiencing.  The conclusion might be to stop an activity or to explore ways to help then manage their time and responsibilities to help lessen the anxiety they are feeling.

Children also worry and feel stress from things that are happening or they perceive to be happening in the world around them.  They might overhear adults talking about problems at work, illnesses of family members and friends, concern about financial matters, or arguments.
Local and world news can cause stress in children.  If they see disturbing images on TV or hear talk of natural disasters, war, and terrorism, it can cause them to worry and feel stress as they worry about their safety and the safety of those they love.  It is important to talk with they about what they see and hear, so you can talk with them and help them understand what's going on.

Signs and Symptoms
Sometimes it is not obvious when children are stressed out.  Some signs and symptoms might be:

• short-term behaviors changes like acting out, changes in sleep patterns, mood swings, or bedwetting
• more trouble concentrating and/or completing schoolwork 
• spending a lot of time alone
• withdrawing from regular activities
• stomachaches and headaches
• over reaction to minor problems
• nightmares
• becoming clingy
• drastic changes in academic performance
• new habits like thumb sucking, hair twirling, or nose picking
• older kids may begin to lie, bully or defy authority

Reducing stress

Children need help in learning how to cope with stress.  Some stress is normal.  It is important for children to know that it's OK to feel angry, scared, lonely, or anxious and that other people experience those feeling too.  However, they will be stronger and more confident as they learn to recognize when they are overly stressed, learn things they can do to reduce the stress, and know they can come to adults they feel are understanding and safe to help them. Some ways to help children reduce stress are: 

• be sure they get proper rest and good nutrition
• good parenting-make time each day for your children-make yourself available. It shows them they are important to you.
• talk with them about what may be causing their stress and help them come up with solutions that may help
• anticipate situations that may be stressful for them and prepare them for the situations
• learn and practice some tools like deep breathing, things they might use for self-talk, etc. when they feel excess stress
• reassure them by reminding them that you are confident they can handle the situation and that they will do well.

A key to recognizing and helping children learn to cope with stress is to be aware of them and be present to them and what is happening in their lives.  Notice and really hear what they are saying or not saying, doing or not doing, and take time to be with them.  Doing these things helps them feel secure, safe, and confident.  It also lets them know they are important.

Stress!!!! What Role Does Play in your life?

Stress!!!!  We have all had out experiences with it.  It seems to be a common everyday malady.  To hear, "I'm really stressed out!" or "This is making me totally stressed." seems to be heard almost every day.  When we feel this way, we probably are worried or uncomfortable about something.  We may also experience a variety of symptoms such as feeling ill.  Stomach aches and headaches are well known symptoms.  Being "stressed out" occurs in people of all ages.

Often we think of stress as being a bad thing.  However, there is such a thing as good stress.  Good stress can help us get things done and/or done better.  Times when we feel good stress might be when we have a report or presentation to give, are going for an interview, are performing for others, etc.  Some may say, how can that be "good stress"?  In reality, it is up to us to determine.  This stress can urge us to prepare better and more thoroughly for the presentations, interviews, and performances.  As we do this, we gain more confidence.  When we are well prepared and have more confidence, we do better.  On the other hand, if we allow the stress to gain momentum and power, it becomes an influence for experiencing illness, immobilization, and poor performance.  It then can become an experience that is uncomfortable, debilitating, and embarrassing, rather than uplifting, exciting, and empowering.  The great news is: We are the one who chooses!  We are the ones in control!

Turning stress and tension into positive power is done in different ways by different people.  We are all unique, so different techniques may be more effective for some than others or different techniques may work better some times than others. Here are a few to begin with:

• Breathe your stress away!  Find a quite place, lie down or sit comfortably, close your eyes, place your hands over your ribs, take in a deep breath slowly through your nose so that your belly fills up like a balloon (this a deeper breath where your shoulders don't move), hold it while you count to 5 slowly.  Then let the air out slowly through you mouth.  Repeat this several times (at least 3-5)
• Exercise your tension away!  Walking, running, swimming, jumping rope, doing sit-ups, riding a bke, dancing, singing, etc. are excellent ways to burn off extra energy and let the stress out.  Hitting things is not the best thing to let stress out.  It can accelerate stress.
• Do and/or think of something different.  Take a break.  Watch a movie, take a walk, play a game, take a shower, get a drink of water, read a book, take a trip to the park, etc. just a few of the things you can do to give your mind and body a break.
• When you are presenting, preforming, taking a test, etc. work extra hard and practice more.  Begin early to learn and prepare for it.  When you are prepared and know it, you are more confident and have less stress.
• Talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable sharing your feelings.  Often talking with such a person helps relieve stress.  Hearing their point of view and objectivity can help to see things from a different and more powerful perspective.  

More information and ways to reduce stress and increase power and control in your life are coming this week.  Remember you are the one who chooses how it will be!